


Unlucky Number Three

by TheTimelessChild0



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bed-Wetting, Episode: s12e05 Fugitive of the Judoon, Fluff, Friendship, Post-Episode: s11e04 Arachnids in the UK, Post-Episode: s12e01-02 Spyfall, Post-Episode: s12e05 Fugitive of the Judoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22174477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/TheTimelessChild0
Summary: It shouldn't even have happened once. Well, it was too late for that. Couple thousand years, if she was completely honest with herself.
Kudos: 31





	1. Tea at Yaz's, Pee in the Bed

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Dead of Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032719) by [SucculentStrawberries](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SucculentStrawberries/pseuds/SucculentStrawberries). 



_ It was the tea. _ That’s what she kept telling herself. It was  _ the tea _ . Of course, it wasn’t. Not if you thought about it properly. Tea was just the stimulant. 

The benefit of the lie was that it made the solution simpler.  _ Drink less tea _ . She could do that. After all, what kind of idiot dips custard creams in cups of tea? Well, the idiot named the Doctor. Which was also part of the cause. Not the nightmare. Absolutely not. 

‘Giant spider. It  _ had _ to be a giant spider,’ she grumbled to herself, as she tried not to walk too loudly through the corridors of the TARDIS. 

*****************

If the door had been soundproof, he’d have asked Siri about it. Maybe it was the dyspraxia. After all, there was no other reasonable explanation for a 19-year-old boy..  _ man, _ to wake up with wet sheets. Well, there was one, but this was a  _ very _ different kind of wet sheets.

Ryan walked out of his room, careful not to wake his grandad. Especially not now that he’d just called him granddad. Sure, he called him that plenty of times in his head while they were running after the Doctor, but he was sure that if Graham stepped out in front of him, he’d call him Grandad out loud. And that would make it very difficult to hide what happened. So he just kept sneaking around towards the laundry room. 

He absently remembered something the Doctor had said about her ship. It was sentient. As in, it talked to people. Not in a HAL 9000 creepy computer kind of way, more like the way it spat out a biscuit for the Doctor as a snack, like a ship could recognize their pilot. He felt the TARDIS prodding his brain, almost tickling. Somehow, he had the notion that she was smiling. 

The Doctor recognized the smile, it was the same one she had after fetching Donna to help, that one time. That  **one** ..time. No more. _Obviously_. She broke into a leap, hoping to reach the laundry room before any of her friends opened their bedroom doors. However, running while holding a bundle of sheets is not exactly safe. It apparently increases the likelihood of hitting another person with a bundle of sheets.

* * *

Both lumps of textile fell to the floor. Their owners stared blankly at each other. The Doctor was certain  _ she  _ wasn’t blushing, but it was dark and she didn’t have a mirror. 

“Spiders?” the Doctor asked.

“Spiders,” Ryan confirmed. Common ground allowed the pair to walk to the laundry room, neither judging the other. 

“Wouldn’t have pegged you as an arachnophobe,” Ryan noted.

“You can fight spiders while terrified of them. I’ve had experience. But..to be totally honest, I’m not arachnophobic. Not really,” the Doctor admitted. 

“But, I thought it was the spiders that..” he had the tact not to spell it out.

“It was just the one spider. The one that died. I’ve seen that before. Too recently. I think I underestimated how harsh the parallel was, “ the Doctor explained. “That, and I forgot the  _ details _ ,” she added, rolling her eyes. 

“I defo underestimated my fear of spiders,” Ryan smiled. 

They walked into the laundry room and dropped their piles back to the floor, in front of the machines. The Doctor put both sheets in the same machine and turned it on. 

“You can go back to sleep, I’m just gonna stay and watch it go ‘round,” the Doctor informed him. Ryan was about to slink away sadly when she kindly added, “you can stay, of course, if you don’t want to sleep right away,” Ryan sat down gratefully. 

“So, what exactly happened with the other big spider?” he asked.

“That one was an alien spider. A Racnoss. The Empress of the Racnoss, actually! I tried to get her to take herself and all her little spiders elsewhere, but she wouldn’t. So I had to stop her. I blew up the basement, sending a flood of water into it in the process, drowning her and her babies," she admitted darkly. There was both fire and water. A  _ lot _ of running water,” the Doctor retold, pointing down herself. 

“I drained the Thames,” she mentioned, chuckling. “This time; my bladder. I think I would’ve remembered the water if I hadn’t tried to look past what happened at the very end,” the Doctor remarked solemnly.

“What could’ve been worse than all that?” Ryan said, eyes wide in shock. “Not that I blame you, I get it. You didn’t mean for Tim Shaw to die either,” He quickly reassured her, stroking her arm.  


“Thanks, Ryan. You’re part of the difference, you know. I was with this brilliant woman, Donna. She was so scared of me, she didn’t want to travel with me. Not yet anyway. So, I left her. I met her again and all was well, but still. I thought I was leaving you guys too. But that got corrected too! Immediately, even. Much sooner than last time!” the Doctor smiled, glad to have friends following a spider incident for once. 

“You know, if we hadn’t come, I would’ve just had my accident at the flat with Graham. I’d be embarrassed in front of _him_ , but gotten over it. Yaz would get a text about it later, and joke to make me happy. And you’d wet the bed anyway, with the whole thing repeating itself 100% instead of 95. Alone. Without a Ryan to keep  _ you _ company,” Ryan stated. 

“That, is brilliant! Thanks, Ryan” the Doctor said again, this time giving him a big hug. 


	2. I Spy A Time Lord

It had been a long time since she’d seen Gallifrey like that. Last time, it wasn’t her fault. Of course, in her dreams it was. But that was just because her timeline had been a bit rubbish. 

The desolate red crust got filled with screaming people. She didn’t need to count them. She’d counted them all before, way before she even knew what the Moment was. She longed to help them. 

Unbeknownst to her, her bladder was longing for something else. 

A Dalek recognized her. Because of course, it did. She ran, as fast as she could, faster than she had when she left the first time. But it flew faster. It hit her side. She wriggled and squirmed to protect her spinal cord, prevent regeneration. It was too early.

The Doctor wriggled in her bed as well. 

Regeneration energy flowed through her. It felt colder than usual. She heard the sound of melting snow from the mountains behind her. It fizzled towards her coat and streamed through her back. Regeneration energy burned it up, and more and more warm water flowed through her clothes.

This too, occurred in reality. 

She woke up abruptly, sitting up. 

_Right. Of course. What did I expect?_ She thought with a sigh. The Doctor grabbed her sleeve to take off her sweaty nightdress, when she noticed it was dry. Nothing on her upper body whatsoever. Her lower body, however, was soaked. She sniffed her hand. 

_What?!_

She couldn’t believe it. Nightmares were normal, pissing the bed was _definitely_ not. 

It just made no sense at all. 

_Ok, yes I could’ve had less ice tea. And being too shy to ask Ada for the loo could’ve been a factor, but still! I’m a Time Lord..Lady..ugh. I should be able to_ **_hold on_ ** _until the morning._

She pulled the sheets of her bed with an indifferent shrug. 

* * *

The Doctor tried her best to walk silently, sneakily, down the corridor. But alas, as she was not a mouse, it woke up Graham. He opened the door to find Yaz outside her room as well. 

“Is it the Doctor?” he whispered. Yaz pointed around the left corner. Graham put a hand up to keep her from following. He didn’t want to spook the Doctor. 

He found her with a bundle of fabric in her arms. At first, he didn’t think much of it, until he called her name(the one she told them, anyway), and she instantly hid it behind her back. It made it pretty clear what it was. 

“Graham!” she blurted out in surprise. 

“What are you doing up?” he asked, concerned. 

“Just had a bit of laundry,” the Doctor lied. 

“In the middle of the night?” Graham questioned tiredly.

“Night’s the best time for laundry duty!” she said cheerily. 

“Right. So, you’re just randomly starting with your bedsheets,” he pointed out. 

The Doctor sunk her head, realising she’d been caught out. 

“No, actually it’s just the bedsheets..and my PJs,” she admitted with a blush. 

At the point when the Doctor would usually make an unnecessary apology, she chose to stay silent. 

“Hey, that’s alright. It happens. No matter what age,” Graham assured her, giving her a nice long hug. 

“What age are you Doc, really?” he asked, suddenly curious. 

“Round about.. 2200-something,” the Doctor asked, as if there were plenty millennia-aged people walking around.

“Well, there you go. I very much doubt you had no accidents between the age of 12 and 1200,” Graham guessed, smiling kindly. 

“Not much point in denying that now, is there?” the Doctor chuckled. 

Graham shook his head fondly.

“How about this? We go back to your room get a big bathrobe, that way, if someone sees you on the way to the washing machine, they won’t know you’ve changed your nightdress,” he offered. The Doctor smiled in agreement and followed him back. 

*******************

When they reached the door, Graham gave her one more bit of advice. 

“Don’t forget to use the toilet first, you might not be completely empty yet,” 

“Right. That’s what Donna always used to say. Like my body didn’t screw up enough, it misses an ounce,” the Doctor remarked, shaking her head as she went to get changed, and _relieved_.

Graham patiently waited, wondering who Donna was. 

A few minutes later, Graham heard an insistent whispering. “Psst. Graham!” the Doctor beckoned nervously. 

He carefully stepped through the door, keeping his eyes at a wall in case the doctor wasn’t dressed yet.

“What’s the problem?” he asked the room. 

The bathroom door answered, “I don’t have a robe!”

“What’ve you put on after a bath?” Graham asked. 

“I always just use a big towel,” the Doctor explained, grinning at the question marks on the one hanging next to her.

“Do you have any big coats like the one you wear during the day, but puffier?” he suggested.

“Yes! There should be a brown one in the cupboard.” 

Graham checked and indeed found a rather humongous coat, next to an almost matching pinstripe suit. 

He threw it to the Doctor through a gap in the door. 

The Doctor‘s decreased height was amusingly obvious, as a few inches of the coat dragged along the floor. 

“Seems I’ve got shorter arms too,” she noted, waving her coat-covered hands about demonstratively. 

Graham just nodded. “Who’s Donna?” 

“Someone I used to travel with. I met her right after the Master _supposedly_ died. So, naturally, I had a few.. _rough nights_ ,” the Doctor raised an eyebrow, a blush returning to her cheeks. 

“She helped you,” he understood. 

“TARDIS gets the credit. She made sure that Donna found me, even the one time I hid underneath the console,” she retold. 

* * *

Graham put the sheets in the washer, after which the Doctor put in _the rest_.

“Wanna go back to sleep, or talk to me about what scared you so much?” Graham presented two choices. 

“Well, obviously it’s partially to do with the Master,” she began. 

“There’s a reason I don’t want to show you my planet. It’s still there..but burnt to a crisp. The Master destroyed it. I don’t know how, but he did. Thoroughly. It looks the same as it did during the war. Only, emptier,” the Doctor said solemnly. 

“What war was that?” Graham asked curiously. 

“You remember that rusty thing that attacked us last New Years’ Eve?”

  
“The Dalek,” he recalled. 

“A long time ago, there was a war between the Daleks and the Time Lords. The Time War. Fought everywhere and everywhen. A brief summary: fire and death. Lots of fire and death. So much so, I regenerated into an old man. Older than you look now,” the Doctor retold. 

“I got so tired of the fighting, that I found this big box, a sentient box called the Moment. It’s meant to be able to wipe out entire planets. I was going to use it to wipe out my own. But then, I got help from lots of my past and future selves. Including the Scotsman I was recently. Because you can’t retain memories of your future, for a really long time, I dreamt and believed, that I had successfully killed them all. And then ran away. Even though I just flew away to keep my people safe,” 

“Why couldn’t you be with them, right after you saved them?” Graham asked. 

“Me, me, me and countless other me’s used our TARDISes to seal the planet in a single moment in time. Forming a sort of bubble universe around it. Completely invisible to all the Daleks who managed to escape,” the Doctor explained. 

“Thing is, I bet a small part of my subconscious thought the dream would cheer me up. Show me a version of Gallifrey better than the one I just saw. The one during the war had people running around. Screaming, but still alive. And the ones that were dead, were still there to be counted. Not knowing if someone’s alive, is worse than falsely believing they’re dead,”

Graham hugged the Doctor for a really long time. 

“Why did he do it?” he asked, looking apologetically at her. 

“They lied. Don’t really know what about, but the bottom of it is that the Time Lords lied. They’ve done something just as bad to the Master before, I don’t blame him for going overboard. At least he kept the rocks,” the Doctor muttered. 

“Hey, if they’ve dealt with him before, they must’ve predicted he’d find out..whatever he did, eventually right?” Graham pondered.

“I suppose,” the Doctor agreed. 

“So then, maybe they did the same as you; figured the planet needed a bit of time to cool off, and flew away for a bit,” he theorised. 

“You’re right. They’ve hidden from me before, when they weren’t even trying. And with me shooting a general last time _I_ visited, I think they need a break from nutters who ran away,” she concluded. 

“Yeah, they’re not us. They don’t have the patience. Which is ironic since they should be great at wasting time,” Graham joked. 

The Doctor laughed. “I thought Ryan was a good laundry buddy, you’re a riot,” she complimented. 

“Ryan’s been with you here? When was that?” 

“After the spiders. We both got shook up a lot. For me mostly ‘cause it’s not my first time dealing with that,” the Doctor explained. 

“Why wouldn’t he tell me about it?” Graham worried. 

“You weren’t that close yet. Grace was still fresh in your memories, you were still Graham to him,” she defended him. 

“I get that, it was a while ago I know. At least he got to feel more normal with you there,”

“Same,” the Doctor added with a big smile. “Same,”


	3. Shadowy Proclamations

_I feel like I’m sensing a pattern here_ , the Doctor thought while trying to shuffle around discreetly in the dark cellar. 

It kept happening. She kept meeting the Judoon while needing the loo, and as a consequence having to hold it out of awkwardness or shyness or whatever. 

The Team ended up needing to engage with the officers. It was pretty simple, just walk up to a Judoon, get scanned as non-human and try not to get shot. Without the possibility of running, the Doctor racked her brain for another means of stopping them. 

“Non-human,” the Judoon growled in her face. 

The only thing the Doctor could think of to do, was hit him with regeneration energy. Focusing her body, building up a central charge, while keeping the lower muscles clenched, the Doctor successfully struck a blow at the Judoon’s gun. 

“Woah!” Ryan exclaimed, massively impressed. 

The Doctor smiled and calmly introduced herself to the Judoon. 

* * *

The Doctor had a very nice dream that night. He was back in the hospital with Martha. The only key difference, was that his surroundings were blurred, except for the potted plant next to Martha. When she moved to get away from the Judoon, the Doctor quickly went to stand in front of it, and, after looking around for onlookers, began peeing into the plant. 

The Doctor did not wake up. 

The Doctor bounced on his feet slightly as he looked around the room. There was a sort of..hazardous wastebasket in the corner, with a lid on it. With his back to Martha, he expelled the radiation with a big sigh. 

The Doctor did not wake up. 

The Doctor put the TARDIS in flight towards the past. The ship bumped, and as a consequence, pummeled the Doctor’s bladder.

“Oh right! I need to double-check the photon stabilizers. Every 709th trip. Sorry about the seatbelts,” the Doctor lied, apologizing before running the stairs. 

“What seatbelts?!” Martha yelled back, almost falling into one of the seats, gripping the railing behind her. 

“Exactly,” the Doctor muttered, squeezing his thighs together as he ran. 

The Doctor woke up. 

She didn’t give the chance of sweat a minute of consideration. This hadn’t been a nightmare. She quickly pulled the covers off herself and saw the telltale wet spot. 

The Doctor jumped out of bed, waving her hands in exasperation. 

_Well, at least the Judoon **did** technically help me pee. Though I kinda wish I’d been conscious.. _

***********

This time around, the Doctor was considerably less paranoid. Sure, Yaz waking up was a worry, but she walked only as silent as to allow for reasonably uninterrupted sleep for all 3 of her friends. 

Nevertheless, Yaz woke up, spotting the Doctor walking fairly calmly down the hallway next to her room. She was more worried than before, since whatever Graham had done to help her previously, didn’t last. 

“Doctor? Why aren’t you in bed? Don’t make me send Graham after you,” she called out to her. 

The Doctor turned around, rolling her eyes at the obstacle. 

“I just need to wash this,” the Doctor explained, pointing at her bundled up bedsheets. “And Graham already knows,” she sighed sadly. 

“What do you mean?” Yaz asked, confused. 

“It’s happened before. He helped me,” the Doctor smiled at the memory. 

“What happened?” she asked the Doctor, referring to both then and now.

“I wet the bed,” the Doctor admitted. 

Yaz held up a finger to shush the Doctor, stopping her thoughts. 

“No! No apologizing, I know it wasn’t your fault. Oh, come here, you silly alien,” Yaz embraced the Doctor in a hug. 

“You give me that, I’ll take care of it, and you go take a warm shower. Sleeping will be much more manageable after that,” she instructed. After a blushing attempt at keeping her mess to herself, the Doctor relinquished the responsibility. 

“I’ll pick up your nightdress and undies once I hear the shower turn on. And don’t forget to,” Yaz began. 

“Pee one more time, I know, I’ve heard it twice before! I get it, my bladder’s an idiot, **I’m** an idiot!” the Doctor finished her sentence, scoffing. 

“Actually I think you’re both brilliant” Yaz complimented. 

The Doctor grinned and laughed her way back into her bedroom. 

Yaz hurried down to the laundry room.

* * *

Yaz made sure to knock only 3 times on the bathroom door. Out came a wet Golden Retriever named the Doctor, covered in a large towel. 

“What’s with all the question marks?” she remarked, her eyes fixated on all the symbols on the towel. 

“People kept asking me ‘doctor who?’, I took it as a compliment and made it my thing. I went a bit overboard,” the Doctor explained. 

“Hey, it keeps you warm,” Yaz remarked, grabbing the clothes behind the Doctor. 

“Like a mother penguin, “ the Doctor agreed, waddling out of the bathroom to get dressed. 

“Before you get back to bed..do you want to tell me what your nightmares have been about?” Yaz asked, as the Doctor got dressed. 

“It was just the one. Really don’t fancy digging that up again, Graham already cheered me up. This time was different,” she clarified.

“Different how?” 

“Well, a couple of regenerations ago, I was quite private about my bladder. Particularly when it came to telling others when I needed to go. My mates helped me with that, but when the Judoon were involved, it was impossible, no matter what. Really frustrating. I thought this version of me was past that, but apparently not the Judoon thing. I think it’s ‘cause they’re cops, and they know me better than UNIT ever did,” the Doctor told her. 

“Ah. So you had a pee dream,” Yaz guessed. 

“A very intricate one at that,” she confirmed.

“Well, your bed’s all ready for you,” Yaz informed her, seeing the new sheets that the TARDIS had put on the bed. She held back an “aww” at seeing a tentacled alien plushie next to the pillow.

“Thank you, Yaz,” the Doctor said, as she climbed under the covers again, clutching Ood Sigma. 

“Good night, Doctor,” Yaz turned off the light, leaving the bathroom door open a crack, and going back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DING DING DING: You have won yourself a BONUS CHAPTER!!! Look forward to it!


	4. Trekkie Knickers, and Sexy Nicknames

Yaz entered the kitchen with a cup of tea, putting a slice of bread in the toaster. 

“Morning, Graham,” she greeted Graham, who was sitting at the table. 

“Sleep alright?” he asked. 

“Mostly,” Yaz replied, taking a seat. “Why’d you never tell me the Doctor wears Star Trek boxers?”

“She does what?!” Graham nearly choked on his tea. 

“Did you not see them?” 

“When would I..” his sentence got halted by the Doctor entering the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of OJ. 

“Filling up the tank again?” Yaz quipped. 

“Yeah.. only a little bit, thankfully,” the Doctor sighed. 

Graham frowned in concern, realising. 

  
“Same nightmare again?” he questioned. 

“No, don’t worry, just a stupid dream,” she assured him. 

“I thought you were a Star Wars fan, considering you’ve got a mini lightsaber,” Yaz remarked. 

“Sonic screwdriver,” the Doctor corrected. “And I am! Who told you I wasn’t?” 

“Your Trekkie knickers,” 

“I don’t own any Trekkie knickers,” the Doctor stated, confused. 

  
“Then what’s with all the robot dogs on it?” Yaz challenged. 

The Doctor rolled her eyes at Yaz’s simplification of “Spock” things. 

“That’s K9, I built him! Brilliant robot assistant/pet. It’s got _nothing_ to do with cheap American 70s Sci-Fi special effects. I got the parts in the year 5000,” 

“Isn’t it 3000?” Ryan entered the room and the conversation. 

“What are you talking about?” Yaz asked. 

“The song. About the guy from the future. _I‘m here from the year 3000, not much has changed, but we live underwater_ ,” Ryan recited the verse. 

“Isn’t that by that band..Jackson, no they split up..” the Doctor racked her brain for the name. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Ryan said quickly. 

“Jonas Brothers?” Yaz contributed, grinning mischievously. 

“That’s it!” the Doctor cheered, while Yaz burst out laughing. 

“No. You listen to the Jonas Brothers?” Graham scoffed. 

“It’s a good band,” Ryan defended himself. 

“It’s a brilliant band,” the Doctor agreed. 

“How’d you drink three glasses of OJ?!” he noted, looking at the empty glasses.

“I was thirsty,” the Doctor shrugged. 

“Well, don’t forget where it goes next,” Graham remarked. 

“Don’t worry. I’d _never_ ,” 

Graham and Yaz shared a knowing smile.

“What are you two doing? Is there an inside joke I don’t know about?” Ryan frowned, confused. 

“No, they’re just having a laugh at my expense. I pissed the bed last night,” the Doctor explained plainly, like you’d say “I dreamt about Santa” or “I met Marilyn Monroe”. 

“Did you take a shower after?” Ryan questioned, remembering. The Doctor nodded. 

  
“I dreamt of rain, which was weird, since we haven’t had any in a while. Loud shower,” Ryan noted. 

“Don’t tell me: it’s sonic,” Yaz rolled her eyes. 

“No, Sexy likes the acoustics,” the Doctor explained.

“You nicknamed your TARDIS ‘Sexy’?” Yaz asked.

Ryan held back a laugh. 

“ _Sexy?_ “ she repeated, grinning.

“She is!” the Doctor defended. 

“We _are_ still talking about a _time machine_ right?” Graham asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“That explains why she strokes it all the time,” Ryan pointed out. 

All three humans burst into laughter. 

  
“I told you to stop vibrating,” the Doctor yelled at the ceiling, walking out of the room. 

On the contrary, more vibrations of laughter could be felt from the TARDIS, until the Doctor got the mallet out and hit the console with it. 

The ship obediently soundproofed the kitchen. 

The End.


End file.
